cigarette smoke

poetry

I can’t take the silence

Whether it be sparks burning out in a conversation meant for 2, or the weight of anticipation pushing my face closer to their feet. All while I battle with the mischevious monster which happens to go by the name of Anxiety.

I can’t take the silence. The type, not even cigarette smoke can fill. All we can do is throw meaningless words that will only indent the fading clouds but never the mind.

So I talk and I talk because I’m scared if I stop, my heart may just beat out of my chest-
and on their shoes…

I can’t take the silence, but everyone else can. And the eyes that surround me, they scare. physical symptoms convincing you that their judgment is towering over you. as their shadow grows larger and more ferocious-
As the conversation continues

I can’t take the silence,
but everyone else can.

Wonder/Wander

poetry

I wonder if he knows
he is the reason why my eye twitches-
every time honesty is put on a pedestal

My eyes trail the words “trust me” as they float from his mouth
into the air- only to make its way to the open window
and jump to its death

Cowardice like the man who spoke them.

I wonder if he knows
he is the reason my natural instinct is to always be alert
Like a police officer beckoning that seatbelt to be undone
or a server waiting for the cheap family of 8 to leave

Rather than roasting under the hot spell of love
I search for shadows attached to his heels
to prove my deepest anxieties were true

I wonder if he knows
he is the reason my feet ache
From always being on my tippy toes
so that I am never looked down at again
because I’d rather my toes ache
instead of my neck

I wonder if he knows
Just like the spider that bit spiderman
A superpower rooted from my wounds
and I am thankful, because without it
I’d probably have nothing to write about.